What Not to Wear: Hughes Edition
by RayaneKeehlJeevas
Summary: What would happen if Hughes tried to give Envy and others fashion advice. Humor and mayhem ensue.
1. Chapter 1

A/N this was an idea Leah and her brother had that has thus spawned the next set of one-shots from Rayane and Leah. While thou readeth this humble tale, imagine Hughes having a Tim Gunn voice.

Disclaimer: I do not own FMA. If I did Winry would not exist and Ed would be mine. Leah could have Al. What Not to Wear is not ours either. Or Tim Gunn. (Sigh) Actually, the idea isn't even ours. That's belongs to Leah's broski.

What not to wear: Hughes edition

Envy: Your not going to stab your wife, are you? (Switches back to own form)

Hughes: (Looks at Envy's real form) Honey, what are you trying to say with that hair?

Envy: What? Well I was going for stylish and unique.

Hughes: Really? I look at that and all I get is "Hello I'm a palm tree!"

Envy: Oh. Really? I mean I thought it was extremely flattering.

Hughes: Sure if your into spiky afros then its real flattering.

Envy: Stop it! I'm about to kill you and you criticize my style?

Hughes: (Ignores) And what is with those arm and ankle bands?

Envy: I was going for functional yet fashionable……..Wait! That's not the point!!!

Hughes: I was thinking…….no. Try shoes, they're both functional AND fashionable.

Envy: Shoes?

Hughes: Yes. Shoes. You know. Those things that go on your feet.

Envy: Ok?

Hughes: And on top of that a belly shirt?

Envy: I like my top

Hughes: No. Just no. Why a belly shirt?

Envy: I wanted to show off my abs.

Hughes: Who do you think you are honey? Pride? He would be the one to show off his abs.

Envy: Ummmmmmm (embarrassed)

Hughes: Is that a miniskort?*

Envy: NO! Um . . . maybe.

Hughes: Why?

Envy: They had a sale. At K-Mart.

Hughes: Probably for a reason, darling. No one wants one.

Envy: Shut UP! Die already!

Ray: (giggling in a corner)

Leah: (with Rayane)

Hughes: You two are next……

Ray: Run away?

Leah: Run away.

TBC…………….

*A miniskirt with shorts underneath it


	2. Chapter 2

**What's this? A second chapter? Indeed! Specially delivered from Ray and Leah! By the way, Leah finally got less lazy and got her own account. Her name is "Just Leah." (STOP ADVERTISING YOUR STORIES ON MY ACCOUNT!) Sorry Ray. . . . Anyhoo, here is Hughes, again with the Tim Gunn-ness. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: We own nothing. Except some cookies we made. Yum. XD**

Hughes: (Prances into "secret" hideout)

Father: What the? Who are you?

H: I'm here for your makeover, silly!

F: Wha-? How did you get in here?

H: The door. By the way, honey, I see why I was called in here. You are a mess.

F: But, I ALWAYS wear this! I have for thousands of years!

H: Well, it shows darling.

F: (Embarrassed) What do you mean?

H: Are you trying to say dead civilization with that outfit?

F: I was going for a classical look!

H: You got ancient.

Envy: (Walks in) Oh good! You're here!

H: I came as soon as you told me to come!

F: Wait, YOU called this creep in here?

E: Uh, yeah! He completely turned MY life around. I'm sure he can help you!

F: So that explains why you are wearing jeans and a t-shirt . . . Hang on! YOU called him in here?

E: Yup.

F: (Muttering) Note to self. Kill Envy the first chance I get.

E: What was that?

F: Nothing!

H: Good. We can get started! I was thinking maybe a nice pair of dress pants and maybe a polo.

F: This is going to be a long day . . .

E: But you will love your transformation! Bye now! (Skips out)

F: He . . . she . . . IT stills creeps me out every time I see it. The tight jeans don't help.

H: Come on! We are going shopping! (Grabs Father's arm and drags him along)

F: NOOOOO!

**To Be Continued even more. . . . . . . . **


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Yet another chapter. These are fun to write. I don't really know what to say today. **_**GET ON WITH IT!**_** Fine! Yeesh, Ray**_. Don't you dare "yeesh, Ray" me. I will kill you. Plus this is my account. Sorry all for my dummkopf sister's antics. She's an idiot. Please enjoy the story!_** Enjoy Greed getting attacked by Hughes! Disclaimer: Everyone in this fic belongs to (NOT) us. That includes Tim Gunn. And the kitty in the background. The kitty is Alphonse's. **_How many kitties does that make Leah? Twenty-two?_** . . . Twenty-four actually. . . . **_. . . What? _**ENJOY THE FIC! -starts running-**

Hughes: (dances into the Devil's Nest) Yeesh. This place is a nightmare.

Greed : Uh . . . can I help you?

H: Yes, honey. After you redecorate, you can get some decent clothes.

G: (Arrogantly) For your information, this happens to be the best clothing out there.

H: Best? Then how can it look so hideous? I think you got ripped off darling.

G: But I'm Greed ! Everything is—

H: (rolls eyes) Everything is yours, you are the best, you get everything, blah, blah, blah. Tell me, how many weasels did you have to kill for that vest?

G: It's mink!

H: And it is so not you.

G: Why you! (starts transforming)

H: Ooh. Now THAT I can work with.

G: What? The carbon?

H: Yes! Why do you not wear that all the time?

G: Because it hides my fabulously handsome face!

H: . . .

G: Ya know? My face. And its beauty . . . ?

H: . . .

G: I'm handsome!

H: Right. I think we may also put plastic surgeon on our list of things we need to do today.

G: Wait, what are we doing today?

H: Well, shopping of course!

G: Nuh-uh. There is NO way.

Envy: More shopping! Yay!

G: Envy? What are you and Father doing here.

Father: He got us too. (sulks)

G: Please tell me I won't have to wear something like THAT. (points to Father)

H: Let's get going honey! (drags Greed away by his fur collar)

E: Yay!

G: NOOOOOO!

F: He really is a kidnapper. . . .

**It is still continuing. . . . . . . . **


End file.
